Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Joseph O. Patton: When did God appoint Representative Bridges as the new Gay Czar?

  There are those people… the ones who would callously steal candy from children or abuse their pet without remorse… and then there’s Alabama Rep. DuWayne Bridges (R-Valley), who I would argue ranks firmly among them.

  Pandering to all those in his district and beyond who seem to think gays and lesbians are second-class citizens, he’s introducing a bill in the Alabama House that would prohibit public universities from offering benefits to the domestic partners of their gay and lesbian employees. Bridges’ legislation, which I’m taking the liberty of calling ‘The Bigot Bill,’ is reportedly in response to UAB offering such benefits beginning last month, and UAH, which is scheduled to follow suit in January.

  Bridges’ argument is beyond weak, laden with obnoxious whining that the State should not pay for such things because it will somehow increase the burden on taxpayers. Lest we forget, taxpayers in Alabama have the lowest tax burden in the country as it is. (Roll Tide!) It’s humorous considering only an itty-bitty fraction of Alabamians are gay, and even fewer will declare so publicly, much less live openly as part of a same-sex couple. After all, the legions of Bubbas throughout The Heart of Dixie who thrive on Bud Light, stockpiling guns and beating their common-law wives don’t take too kindly to “queers” anyway. Suffice it to say, very, very few same-sex couples would be participating in this program, not because they don’t want to provide for their partner, but because “coming out” in Alabama is about as endearing as giving someone leprosy for Christmas.

  Said Bridges, quoted in the Press Register: "Universities may be free to engage in whatever liberal social experiments they choose, but they should do it on their own dimes and not the taxpayers.” This coming from a man who as a state lawmaker is only required to work 30 days a year and yet receives year-round compensation out of the taxpayers’ wallet. Translation: It’s okay to gorge yourself at the public trough if you’re a bigot from Rooster Poot, Alabama whose platform seems to consist of hatin‘ on gay folks. But it’s not okay if you happen to be the partner of someone who doesn’t look, pray, dress, vote or have sex the way you do though!

  Ironically - and sadly - Neocons like Bridges are always regurgitating the same rhetoric when it comes to personal liberties, perpetually arguing red in the face and pounding their chests that “Government should stay out of our lives! Government shouldn’t tell us how to live!” And yet here’s Bridges attempting to lean on every post-secondary state college and university in his capacity as “government,” dictating like some holier-than-thou pillar of morality, whom they can and cannot offer benefits to. I guess the Capital City Free Press mistakenly overlooked the press release from God announcing that He had appointed Bridges as His Gay Czar, charged with ensuring the State of Alabama keeps all the homos in their place.

  Not to mention, these same Neocons are always harping about families, always jumping up and down and hollering that we must preserve and protect the family unit… and yet, they simultaneously stomp the hell all over any attempt by a gay or lesbian individual to be part of a family by trying to restrict their ability to adopt children, to get married, to have visitation rights at hospitals, and of course to have the ability like their heterosexual co-workers to get benefits for their partner... or to simply get through one day in this country without being discriminated against, harassed, threatened or told by some sanctimonious son of a bitch in the Alabama Legislature that they’re going to burn for simply being how God made them.

  I’ve fought all day, drawing on my years as a reporter and opinion-maker, to muster something eloquent and profound to offer you on this subject. I’ve dug into the most sensitive areas of my soul, scratching for bits of wisdom and flowery SAT words that will enlighten you on this issue, fair reader. I’ve scrutinized legal precedent, and I’ve analyzed political trends as they relate to equality for gays and lesbians in Alabama and around the world as well as how this legislation may impact my fellow citizens. And despite all these heart-felt efforts and tireless personal labor, all I’m left with is the following: “Go to Hell, Representative Bridges.”

  About the author: Joseph O. Patton is the editor-in-chief and founder of the Capital City Free Press.

Copyright © Capital City Free Press

1 comment:

  1. I love Neo-Con's constant talk about federal waste. Especially when leaving Clinton's administration we went from a Surplus to a huge debt by 2008 near 9 Trillion by a Goat Hill controlled by a Republican President and a Republican controlled Congress. I remember last time the Republicans had this much power during Reagen's years and the debt hit 4 Trillion all while Reagan's cronies destroyed solid social programs and made it possible for congress to bleed social security dry to counter the exploding debt. American's have allowed Republicans to hide behind a veil of 'morals and values' that is unmeasurable in success compared to solid legislation and responsible spending.

    I also love the platform that Government shouldn't dictate anything in peoples personal lives, which translates to the Republicans not wanting the government to control them, but control people of different values, skin color and cultures all together.