Dear
Lord: I pray that You will touch the toxic hearts of these intellectually
crippled, inbred, snaggle-toothed, trashy homophobes and bigots so they will
turn from their self-loathing, hateful, morally deficient ways which they
project onto everyone else. Their lifestyle is so repulsive and disgusting, and
I pray that they will stop producing hate babies that will carry on their
sickening ways. I also hope we can find a loving, forgiving method by which we
can discriminate against them with a clenched fist, treat them like
second-class citizens, keep them away from our children, and bully them in Your
name. I'm not judging or anything, but since they're evil and going to Hell and
they disgust me, I hope something can be done about it. Amen.
Author’s note: If you can’t swallow satire, you
probably shouldn’t have read that.
About the author: Joseph O. Patton is the
editor-in-chief and founder of the Capital City Free Press. He is a former news
editor for the Coosa County News, lead reporter for the Montgomery Independent
and editor-in-chief of the AUMnibus, the student newspaper of
Auburn-Montgomery. Patton is also the creator of and writer for the satirical
news radio segment "Goat Hill Gossip," which previously aired on WAUD
in Auburn, Alabama and has appeared on several Central Alabama radio programs
as a political analyst.
Copyright © Capital
City Free Press
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