Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Ask Dr. Bumdinkle: Hoping to secede!

Disclaimer: Don't be a jackass. "Ask Dr. Bumdinkle" is for entertainment purposes only.
Dr. Bumdingleberry or whatever:

  As a proud American who believes in the Floundering Fathers’ belief that Jesus should run our government and black folks should not be allowed to be black folks, I’m joining the movement to petition the President to consider a request from my home state Alabama – Roll Tide! – to secede from the Union.

  We just can’t tolerate Barack Hewsane Obama and all his socialism and communism and whatnot. He’s taking away our liberties and Bibles and such. I mean, I know he’s gonna crawl through my window one night like a thieving gypsy in the moonlight and steal the 58 handguns I hide under my bed along with my dirty pictures of Ann Coulter.

  Also, I love my wife… I love her best friend, too… and her daughter… but Obama is going to force homoskankual marriage on us sooner or later and make the preacher at my church bake quiche and replace our hymns with show tunes. Jesus ain’t down with that! Plus I have a small butt hole, and I’m pretty frightened over how all that’s gonna play out.

  I want to stand up for my country… you know, by leaving it… and I just wondered what you thought about all this.

  Don’t tweed on me!

  Revolting in Red Level

Dear Stupid-Ass Redneck:

  Peace out, Homey! And I’ll pray for your butt hole. 

  -Dr. Thaddeus P. Bumdinkle

  P.S. Take your meds!

  Need advice or simply want to be ridiculed? (Comments, hate mail, marriage proposals, and baked goods are welcome also.) Email Dr. Bumdinkle: drbumdinkle[at]

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