Joseph O. Patton: Taking back Thanksgiving!

  I am genuinely elated to report that I have survived another Thanksgiving… or rather what remains of this rapidly deteriorating national holiday. I ate, I watched football, I napped. God ordained back in the Plymouth Rock days that we adhere to this sacred ritual, right? And doing so enables me to show my Turkey Day pride, to get my festive gobble-gobble swerve thang on… and have gas until New Year’s from all that gorging.

  But increasingly each year something else is ominously creeping into the view from my yam-tinted glasses, vulgarly tinkling on my Thanksgiving joy and ruthlessly pushing all the pilgrim imagery to the side - it’s name, Christmas.

  Now I’m not one to trip on the sanctity of our Lord and Savior’s birth and the Immaculate Contraception and so forth… three wise guys on a camel train and a big ole happy star… etc., etc. But can’t the Baby Jesus wait His turn? He gets His big day every December 25th according to the Gregorian calendar. And it’s not like we’re gonna forget that important date… after all, every retail outlet from New York City to San Francisco will be shoving an artificial tree and piped-in Christmas carols up our collective ass before Halloween even passes. Would you like to purchase an advent calendar to go with your Freddy Krueger mask?