Joseph O. Patton: How I survived Mardi Gras in Mobile

Editor's note: This article originally appeared in the March 17, 2000 edition of the AUMnibus, the student newspaper of Auburn Montgomery. It was also released through two national college news wires.

  I will freely admit that I had strong misgivings about letting loose on the grand city of Mobile, Ala., during the madness of Mardi Gras -- especially with my girl-crazy assistant, Matt "lookin' for love in all the wrong places" Jorgensen.

  The sky was clouded over Montgomery before we hit the road, and it was under those foreboding skies that some idiot at the Super Lube overfilled my oil tank, causing my baby, the Buick, to overheat and take an unexpected rest stop in the parking lot of a Mexican restaurant. If it weren't for a kindly gentleman with a spray bottle full of water and whatever voodoo he worked under the hood, the four-doored wonder would still be taking a nap.

  About three or four hours later, we rolled into Mobile. Matt had a headache from an overdose of the Dixie Chicks, and I had a half-numb ass from all the driving.

  We offered the obligatory salutations to Matt's family and scooted over to his neighbor's yard, where a handful of overly cheerful folks were gathered around a mysterious 20-gallon pot. For some reason, I had visions of those silly witches from "Macbeth."